Shat my cat does: Part Two

  Took Bob to the vet (again) today (we went last Monday because his eye was swollen shut).

  Anyways, took him to the vet because yesterday I thought he ate my needles that were in my pin cushion. I found 2 or 3 needles on the floor the rest were pulled out of my tomato and no where to be found. The only culprit is Bob the fluffy terrorist. So, needless tomato is hanging out in the bathroom, Bob is sleeping, needles are missing. I keep my shoes on just in case, because I know the sure fire way of finding a needle in a hay stack is to walk barefoot in it. So, I get the broom and do my thing, I sweep up the fabric mess I made, and then I clean up the mess sir Bob made and found not even half of the needles that were in the pink tomato.

  He's been fine all morning, his normal crotchety asshole self, but I was worried, my father worried me, so yeah, I took his fuzzy ass to the vet (AGAIN!) because he is my child and google told me the only way to know if he swallowed needles was if he was dead, which made my eyes do this number: O_O
  Really, Google? THANKS for scaring the crap out of me, I about died. I spent some nice money on Mr. Bob today, kinda glad I brought him in, got his eye checked up on, and she gave him some pills since it wasn't healing as good as hoped. Twice a day on pills, three times a day on eye drops, and LIKE A BOSS, I did both in less than five seconds, because I am awesome. I cuddled him in my lap, opened his mouth, tilted head back, tossed pill in, he swallowed, then while he was thinking about that nugget, I grabbed his eye and drop his eye drop in and let him go.
  And the crowd goes wild! RAAAWRRR!

  The vet laughed when they were examining Bob's tummy and he was making his typical pissed off noises and I told them that was surprisingly normal, those weird sounds he was emitting, and they asked me why and in reference to that, I told them Bob was a true blue asshole of a cat and he's always done that. He also yells/hisses at me when we walk by each other outside. She told me that was odd, and I said yeah, it was, but I chalked it up to him being a teenager, all teenagers hate their parents at that age, what makes animals any different?

  He got probed, X-Rayed, and touched inappropriately, so I didn't blame him when he hid under the couch. However I wasn't counting on him getting stuck under the couch. Couch is AkA my bed in the camper, it's a fold out couch, the biggest thing I have in here and I'm quite comfy on it. My loving cat, after freaking me out for a week solid, goes and does it again, gets stuck. He was making funny noises and clawing at the seat cushions underneath as I laid there and I had to go to his rescue. There is a water tank under the couch, and he was on that, on his back, claws in the cushions and crawling around like the dope head he is, on his back. His claw got stuck, so little assface disrupted my movie because he's an asshole. I love my cat, I really do, but he's an ass.